I <3 CARTMAN
> Handle it? For two billion dollars I could handle my Grandpa's balls dude.
> I would never let a woman kick my ass. If she tried something, I'd be like,
HEY! You get your bitch ass back in the kitchen and make me some pie!
> Hippies.They're everywhere. They wanna save the earth, but all they do is
smoke pot and smell bad.
> Kyle: Wow! That's a lot of seamen, Cartman.
Cartman: Yeah, I bought all that I could at this bank,
and then I got the rest from this guy Ralph in an alley.
Stan: That's cool.
Cartman: Yeah, and the sweet thing is, the stupid asshole didn't even charge me
money for it. He just made me close my eyes and suck on a hose.
> You know the feeling when the huge dump you just took shoots back up your ass?
> Mr. Jefferson is the best thing that has happen to south park in a long time
in if you screw this up, My GOD help me i will rip your balls with my bear hands ,
you hear me my bear hands.
> Think about it, it's the easiest music in the world right?
If we just sing about how much we love jesus, all the christians will buy our crap!
> Oh did you hear that Clyde? That sounded like diarrhea comming out of somebody's mouth.
> Drugs are bad because if you do drugs you're a hippie and hippies suck
> Cartman: (Crying, stumbles into the kitchen, holding onto a doorframe for support) Moommmmm...
Mom: Yes, poonchkins?
Cartman:(between sniffles) Last night.. when.. Butters.. came to spend the night..
I wanted to take a picture of him.. you know.. for his mom to have.. and I tripped,
and my mouth landed right on his penis - and at that moment.. i thought of something really
funny.. and kinda started to smile a little bit.. and kinda.. give a little thumbs up..
and thats when he took the pictureee.....
> Kyle: [to Cartman] Yeah, I hate you, but I'm not going to help kill you!
Cartman: I thought you were my friends! I guess I was wrong!
After all we've been through together, you guys won't even help me freeze myself.
> Butters: I don't play World of Warcraft.
Cartman: Butters, you said you were on your computer all the time.
Butters: Yeah, but I'm playing Hello Kitty Island Adventure.
Cartman: [pause] Butters, go buy World of Warcraft, install it on your computer and join the
online sensation before we all murder you.
Butters: Oh, well, all right, then.
> Yes! I've lost almost ten pounds now. You see what I mean??
I totally know how it felt to be a Jew in the Holocaust now!
> Hey you guys, you know what they call a Jewish woman's boobs? ...Joobs!
> Cartman: Give me your Jew gold now!
Kyle: God damn it, you know I don't carry gold in a little bag around my neck, Cartman.
What do you want from me?
Cartman: I want your Jew gold…
> [Walks up to a group of girls and flips each one off in turn] F**k you Millie!
F**k you Annie! F**k you Bebe! F**k you Whateveryournameis!, aaaand F**k you bitch!
> Butters: But Eric, how am I supposed to re-populate the Earth?
Cartman: You know like, with your weiner.
> Kyle: You guys! I have awesome news!
Cartman: You have AIDS?
> [singing]
Don't ever leave me, Jesus. I couldn't stand to see you go
My heart would simply snap, my Lord, if you walked on out that door
I promise I'll be good to you, and keep you warm at night
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, why don't we just… shut off the lights
> Kyle: Ow! What the hell are you doing, Cartman?
Cartman: I'm killing you. Unfortunately I could only afford a wiffle bat so this may take a while.
